Given recent events, I’ve been ruminating (never ruminate, by the way) on the nature of truth, lies, honesty and so on. One of the things that happens to an addict is that you become profoundly dishonest. You lie. You lie to your friends, you lie to the authorities, your employers and, of course most importantly, to yourself. The reason for this is that your addiction has become the only thing worthwhile in your life. All things pale before it. It simply, and terribly, defines your every moment – and so to Hell with everyone and everything else. And yet this is important, because we define ourselves – in the most fundamental sense – by our honesty and decency. Don’t we? None of us wants to think of ourselves as a liar. Because it moved me recently, I’m put in mind of a quote from the TV show ‘Chernobyl’, which had this to say about truth and lies, and it pertains to all of us:
‘Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later, that debt is paid.’
For the addict, like me, every lie incurs a reckoning soon to be paid. How that debt is paid is something I can’t foresee, but it waits, dark and hidden and someday will come asking for its moment.
Nick Jordan
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
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